WHOA.

Thanks Keanu.

What happened to the summer? Wasn’t it just starting? Where the eff did it go? Did I even go swimming yet?

You may be asking yourself all of these questions in the next couple of days/weeks. That’s because this was the fastest summer of all time. Now that I’m done with school it kind of feels like the summer may never end, because I have no school to go back to. There’s all sorts of time-confusion going on.

If you ever want to be blown away by time, try and think about your life so far. For me, I’ve lived for almost 23 years. If I live to be 80 (if), that’s a little over a 1/4th of my life done. So I’ve got 3/4ths left. Which is good because it’s the majority. And it’s also good because I plan on being one of those old guys with terrible posture that sits in McDonald’s on Monday mornings and drinks coffee and reads the newspaper and then tells the staff at McDonald’s when rowdy teens are being rowdy. I mean seriously, they don’t belong in the Playland. They’re way too old, and someone needs to get them in trouble.

Focusing more on the current, I’ve got some sweet-ass projects coming up. I’ve got a number of shows at different places over the next month and a half and those will be fun, and I’m trying out some other things. I’ll be learning a little improv here and there to help me on stage, I’ll be writing lots of different things (spec scripts, shorts, stories, and NEW material), and I’ll be doing some acting in an online web series about a humorous family of criminals. I play a sleazy guy that gets beat up a lot, so it shouldn’t be too hard to prep for.

I’ll be selling CDs after all of my shows now, too. They are $15. They’re blank CDs. You can put whatever you want on them. It’s up to you. Maybe a nice end of summer mix? Hmm? Hmm?

Categories: projects
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Go see Tropic Thunder. Lot’s of laughs. Not the funniest movie I’ve ever seen, but some really hilarious parts and sequences. And overall, a really well done movie. The production value is really high and the action is surprisingly good for a comedy. Like Pineapple Express (I haven’t seen it yet, but here good things) it’s a great comedy/action movie but it wouldn’t be great as just one or the other. It just be sub-par. But I really enjoyed it.

Look out for Robert Downey Jr. in one of the best roles ever. An amazing actor, he is. I don’t get the controversy of him playing a black guy, either. Isn’t there a movie called White Chicks where the entire movie is basically the same thing, reversed, but not funny?

Ben Stiller doesn’t blow you away, but he contributes well enough, and he wrote, directed, and starred in the movie so he still rules. Jack Black is kind of pointless at first, but gets really good towards the middle to end. His drug problem in the movie is really well acted. Jay Baruchel plays the smart, simple actor and gets a lot of screen time which is great, since he hasn’t done too many huge projects since Undeclared. Very funny guy. Brandon T. Jackson is very funny too, probably most funny in the very first frames of the movie, where they have a fake commercial for his rapper-turned-actor character’s energy drink called Booty Sweat. It’s awesome.

Oh yeah, the movie opens up with fake trailers for the actors’ movies, which is one of the coolest ideas and best parts. Think Grindhouse’s fake trailers, but better. Jack Black does a Nutty Professor type fart flick, Ben Stiller does a ridiculous action sequel, and RDJ does a movie about gay priests. They are all hilarious. I can’t wait for the DVD of this film because there’s going to be like nine discs of special features of the making of the making of the movie within the movie.

I highly recommend Tropic of Thunder. There’s a ton of non-advertised actors like Matthew McConaughey, Tom Cruise (best dancing ever filmed), Bill Hader, Danny McBride, Nick Nolte, Jon Voight, and Tobey Maguire. Go see it whenever you can.

Late last night I also started watching Hook. Bang-a-rang, Rufio.

Categories: movies, trips
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People keep asking me when I’m doing some shows (i.e. my mom, my dad, then my mom again) so I thought I would post a blog weekly on the shows for that week with a little more description. Sadly, my parents don’t know what a blog is or how to read one so they’ll be out of the loop, but hey, they don’t believe in caller ID, so go figure.

I’ve got lots of fun shows coming up at a good variety of places. You should come check one out. Here’s a breakdown of descriptions of each show in the next week or so, and you can always check my Shows page for the quick links with constant updates. Oh and I’ll be taping all of the shows with my brand new camcorder, which is probably on schedule to break anytime before I really need to record something important. Canon, don’t fail me.

Thursday August 14th-Benefit Show with Mikey-O-Comedy.
This showcase of up and coming Chicago comics will be a blast. Huge crowds and great comedy. It’s also raising money for ENLACE Leadership Institute. I’ll be doing a fifteen-minute-ish set. The cover charge is $40. $5 Margaritas and $5 Coors Light Pitchers. Show starts at 7:30pm. Click the link above for the flyer. Joe’s, 940 W. Weed St. Chicago, IL 60622. 21+up, valet available.

Friday August 15th-Variety Show at the Blue Lotus Cafe.
This is a newer venue in Northwest Indiana that doubles as a coffeehouse and recording studio. I’ll be recording the audio from this show, so come watch or ask me for a copy. I’ll be doing a half-hour set. Blue Lotus Cafe, 1600 119th St. Whiting, IN. All Ages.

Saturday August 16th-Big Dog Eat Child’s Super Party: Gigante.
This is the mother of all south suburban comedy and music festivals of the summer. BDEC puts on their 5th annual bash at the Ashbary Coffeehouse featuring tons of awesome musical and comical talent from all over our great state. Cover is $15 for two day passes, $10 for one day, or $5 for a specific block of performers but you are paying for a huge variety of entertainment. The show goes from 6pm-1am both Friday the 15th and Saturday the 16th, and I’ll be going on at 9:30pm on Saturday. I’ll be doing a half-hour set. Ashbary Coffehouse, 8695 S. Archer Ave. Willow Springs, IL. All Ages.

Sunday August 17th-Local Locos Show with Mikey-O-Comedy.
Another showcase with Mikey-O-Comedy featuring some very funny comics. Special Guest Frank Townsend will be there with others in a packed room. Cover is $8, doors open at 7pm. $5 Margaritas and $5 Pitchers of Coors Light all night. Click the link above for the flyer. Joe’s, 940 W. Weed St. Chicago, IL 60622. 21+up, valet available.

Thanks for reading. You are loved.

Categories: shows
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The worst movie of all time is about a month away from gracing the screens at your local theater. Here are some hints as to what it is:

Here’s another:

You get the idea. Here’s the terrible movie:

Disaster Movie. It’s telling you what it is right in the title. It will not be funny. It will barely be a movie. And the filmmakers will add bank to their rich pile. How does this happen? Why do they think having a black midget in a movie suddenly equals comedy?

Scary Movie 1 and 2 were quality spoof films. Even 3 and 4 were decent, since they were done by David Zucker of classic spoof movie fame. You could at least see the effort in those movies.

Then came the giant turds with some of the “writers” that collaborated on the previously mentioned films. Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Meet the Spartans. While Date and Epic are terrible, terrible films that try for the opposite of funny, Meet the Spartans may be the worst comedic attempt ever caught on film. I just watched the movie I know Who Killed Me with Lindsay Lohan recently. It’s not good. It’s really bad. But it’s a hell of a lot funnier as a drama than Meet the Spartans as a “comedy.”

Why was I watching I know Who Killed Me you ask? Because Lohan is stripping on the cover. If you’re the least bit interested in boobies, you should go out and rent it.

in conclusion, there’s a huge amount of bad coming this way towards the end of the summer. Cows will fall on heads. Vomit will spew. Superheroes will say the exact same lines from the movies they’re spoofing before getting hit in the nuts. A disaster is coming. I just wish it was a hurricane heading towards the houses of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.

They’re the directors/writers. Here they are being douchey:

Categories: movies
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