WHOA.

Thanks Keanu.

What happened to the summer? Wasn’t it just starting? Where the eff did it go? Did I even go swimming yet?

You may be asking yourself all of these questions in the next couple of days/weeks. That’s because this was the fastest summer of all time. Now that I’m done with school it kind of feels like the summer may never end, because I have no school to go back to. There’s all sorts of time-confusion going on.

If you ever want to be blown away by time, try and think about your life so far. For me, I’ve lived for almost 23 years. If I live to be 80 (if), that’s a little over a 1/4th of my life done. So I’ve got 3/4ths left. Which is good because it’s the majority. And it’s also good because I plan on being one of those old guys with terrible posture that sits in McDonald’s on Monday mornings and drinks coffee and reads the newspaper and then tells the staff at McDonald’s when rowdy teens are being rowdy. I mean seriously, they don’t belong in the Playland. They’re way too old, and someone needs to get them in trouble.

Focusing more on the current, I’ve got some sweet-ass projects coming up. I’ve got a number of shows at different places over the next month and a half and those will be fun, and I’m trying out some other things. I’ll be learning a little improv here and there to help me on stage, I’ll be writing lots of different things (spec scripts, shorts, stories, and NEW material), and I’ll be doing some acting in an online web series about a humorous family of criminals. I play a sleazy guy that gets beat up a lot, so it shouldn’t be too hard to prep for.

I’ll be selling CDs after all of my shows now, too. They are $15. They’re blank CDs. You can put whatever you want on them. It’s up to you. Maybe a nice end of summer mix? Hmm? Hmm?

Categories: projects
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Go see Tropic Thunder. Lot’s of laughs. Not the funniest movie I’ve ever seen, but some really hilarious parts and sequences. And overall, a really well done movie. The production value is really high and the action is surprisingly good for a comedy. Like Pineapple Express (I haven’t seen it yet, but here good things) it’s a great comedy/action movie but it wouldn’t be great as just one or the other. It just be sub-par. But I really enjoyed it.

Look out for Robert Downey Jr. in one of the best roles ever. An amazing actor, he is. I don’t get the controversy of him playing a black guy, either. Isn’t there a movie called White Chicks where the entire movie is basically the same thing, reversed, but not funny?

Ben Stiller doesn’t blow you away, but he contributes well enough, and he wrote, directed, and starred in the movie so he still rules. Jack Black is kind of pointless at first, but gets really good towards the middle to end. His drug problem in the movie is really well acted. Jay Baruchel plays the smart, simple actor and gets a lot of screen time which is great, since he hasn’t done too many huge projects since Undeclared. Very funny guy. Brandon T. Jackson is very funny too, probably most funny in the very first frames of the movie, where they have a fake commercial for his rapper-turned-actor character’s energy drink called Booty Sweat. It’s awesome.

Oh yeah, the movie opens up with fake trailers for the actors’ movies, which is one of the coolest ideas and best parts. Think Grindhouse’s fake trailers, but better. Jack Black does a Nutty Professor type fart flick, Ben Stiller does a ridiculous action sequel, and RDJ does a movie about gay priests. They are all hilarious. I can’t wait for the DVD of this film because there’s going to be like nine discs of special features of the making of the making of the movie within the movie.

I highly recommend Tropic of Thunder. There’s a ton of non-advertised actors like Matthew McConaughey, Tom Cruise (best dancing ever filmed), Bill Hader, Danny McBride, Nick Nolte, Jon Voight, and Tobey Maguire. Go see it whenever you can.

Late last night I also started watching Hook. Bang-a-rang, Rufio.

Categories: movies, trips
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People keep asking me when I’m doing some shows (i.e. my mom, my dad, then my mom again) so I thought I would post a blog weekly on the shows for that week with a little more description. Sadly, my parents don’t know what a blog is or how to read one so they’ll be out of the loop, but hey, they don’t believe in caller ID, so go figure.

I’ve got lots of fun shows coming up at a good variety of places. You should come check one out. Here’s a breakdown of descriptions of each show in the next week or so, and you can always check my Shows page for the quick links with constant updates. Oh and I’ll be taping all of the shows with my brand new camcorder, which is probably on schedule to break anytime before I really need to record something important. Canon, don’t fail me.

Thursday August 14th-Benefit Show with Mikey-O-Comedy.
This showcase of up and coming Chicago comics will be a blast. Huge crowds and great comedy. It’s also raising money for ENLACE Leadership Institute. I’ll be doing a fifteen-minute-ish set. The cover charge is $40. $5 Margaritas and $5 Coors Light Pitchers. Show starts at 7:30pm. Click the link above for the flyer. Joe’s, 940 W. Weed St. Chicago, IL 60622. 21+up, valet available.

Friday August 15th-Variety Show at the Blue Lotus Cafe.
This is a newer venue in Northwest Indiana that doubles as a coffeehouse and recording studio. I’ll be recording the audio from this show, so come watch or ask me for a copy. I’ll be doing a half-hour set. Blue Lotus Cafe, 1600 119th St. Whiting, IN. All Ages.

Saturday August 16th-Big Dog Eat Child’s Super Party: Gigante.
This is the mother of all south suburban comedy and music festivals of the summer. BDEC puts on their 5th annual bash at the Ashbary Coffeehouse featuring tons of awesome musical and comical talent from all over our great state. Cover is $15 for two day passes, $10 for one day, or $5 for a specific block of performers but you are paying for a huge variety of entertainment. The show goes from 6pm-1am both Friday the 15th and Saturday the 16th, and I’ll be going on at 9:30pm on Saturday. I’ll be doing a half-hour set. Ashbary Coffehouse, 8695 S. Archer Ave. Willow Springs, IL. All Ages.

Sunday August 17th-Local Locos Show with Mikey-O-Comedy.
Another showcase with Mikey-O-Comedy featuring some very funny comics. Special Guest Frank Townsend will be there with others in a packed room. Cover is $8, doors open at 7pm. $5 Margaritas and $5 Pitchers of Coors Light all night. Click the link above for the flyer. Joe’s, 940 W. Weed St. Chicago, IL 60622. 21+up, valet available.

Thanks for reading. You are loved.

Categories: shows
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The worst movie of all time is about a month away from gracing the screens at your local theater. Here are some hints as to what it is:

Here’s another:

You get the idea. Here’s the terrible movie:

Disaster Movie. It’s telling you what it is right in the title. It will not be funny. It will barely be a movie. And the filmmakers will add bank to their rich pile. How does this happen? Why do they think having a black midget in a movie suddenly equals comedy?

Scary Movie 1 and 2 were quality spoof films. Even 3 and 4 were decent, since they were done by David Zucker of classic spoof movie fame. You could at least see the effort in those movies.

Then came the giant turds with some of the “writers” that collaborated on the previously mentioned films. Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Meet the Spartans. While Date and Epic are terrible, terrible films that try for the opposite of funny, Meet the Spartans may be the worst comedic attempt ever caught on film. I just watched the movie I know Who Killed Me with Lindsay Lohan recently. It’s not good. It’s really bad. But it’s a hell of a lot funnier as a drama than Meet the Spartans as a “comedy.”

Why was I watching I know Who Killed Me you ask? Because Lohan is stripping on the cover. If you’re the least bit interested in boobies, you should go out and rent it.

in conclusion, there’s a huge amount of bad coming this way towards the end of the summer. Cows will fall on heads. Vomit will spew. Superheroes will say the exact same lines from the movies they’re spoofing before getting hit in the nuts. A disaster is coming. I just wish it was a hurricane heading towards the houses of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.

They’re the directors/writers. Here they are being douchey:

Categories: movies
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I had my grad party this weekend. This picture pretty much sums it up:

That was soon followed by the classy finish of this:

Grad parties are amazing. This being mine, it was especially a good time. Lots of people, lots of food and drinks and lots of laughs. There were Budds Family staples at the party like a rented port-a-potty, good jams, and bag playing galore. And thanks to our awesome neighbors, we had some sweet tents and even a Keg-er-ator. It kept the beer cold and extra beery. All of these components added up to a sweet night of fair weathered friends and family rocking out until who knows when.

On a completely different note, Sub City, my all-time favorite sub place, has any King sub for $4.99. I think it’s to compete with Subway’s $5 Footlong. If someone gave me an endless supply of Subway footlongs for the rest of my life or like one good Sub City, I’d take the Subway footlongs. Here’s the catch though, I’d sell the unlimited footlongs from Subway and open my own Subway for a long enough time so I could afford to buy my own Sub City. See what I did there? I thought it out. That’s what college does for you. It helps you think out pointless crap.

Finally, Tiny Toon Adventures Season One comes out on DVD and if you are any kind of human being that grew up in the early 90s, you best be grabbing a copy. Who can forget the awesome intro and catchy theme song?

Categories: college, food, friends, parties, tv, youtube
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What an amazing movie the Dark Knight was. If you didn’t like this movie, there can’t be too much in the world you find appealing. There wasn’t one part of it that wasn’t extremely well thought out and executed to the highest caliber of awesome. Probably one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. It’s still one notch below Batman and Robin though.

“ICE TO SEE YOU!”

Just kidding. The weekend was great and all it was cracked up to be. I featured at the Barrel of Laughs on Friday and Saturday night for a show a piece and had a blast. Very fun crowds and lots of great stage time. Lots of good audience interaction, which isn’t something I always dive into, but it’s fun when there’s a good dialog going. My buddy and fellow comic Jay Harris taped Friday’s show for me, so I’ve got a good half hour of stuff to work with for a new promo DVD. Josh Alton was the headliner, a very funny Chicago comic with a great act.

I had some grad parties on Saturday night too with close friends and they were pretty gnarly. Good food and lots of laughs. It’s weird not having anywhere to go back to in the fall for a change. After 18 years of school starting in the fall, you kind of get used to it. Maybe I’ll take a non-credit class at Moraine Valley Community College just so I don’t fall by the wayside. I’ve always wanted to learn how to color inside the lines.

Last night I did a guest spot at Joe’s on Weed St. with Mikey-O Comedy. Such a sweet crowd, and really packed, in one of the coolest venues I’ve performed at. Now I know why everyone is always praising the place. It’s run well and everybody knows how to have a good show. Very cool atmosphere, and I hope to be back soon.

Finally, I’m featured on a new Coke Zero Billboard.

Well not really. But that kind of looks like me right? Check out my pictures section for some comparisons. The Coke Zero guy is not nearly as ripped as me, but few are. Including Arnold Schwarzenegger.

“HAVE AN ICE DAY!”

Categories: comedians, friends, movies, shows
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I hosted a show at Maxum Bar and Grill last night. It was a show. That’s about it. Fun times with comics Dan Brennan and Ryan Andrews though, check them out sometime.

I’ve been watching The Simpsons a lot lately on DVD and are finding them hilarious. Seasons 8 and 9 have some great episodes so far. Great show to fall asleep laughing to.

I’m reading the third Harry Potter Book. I’m very behind in the whole popularity of the series, but it’s a good read all the same. I get the hoopla, but each book isn’t that much different from the previous one so far. We’ll see.

I have been reading hilarious “true” ER Horror stories on doctor’s websites. If you’re bored, google it and cringe away. Here’s a good list to start with.

I now am the proud possessor of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s complete filmography. Every movie ever. It’s a glorious day in the history of my life.

Next weekend, Ash moves up to Chi-town, The Dark Knight comes out, I get paid, I’m featuring at the Barrel, and two of my best friends are having blowout graduation parties. I don’t think it gets any better than that. What an orgy of fun times.

Categories: movies, random, shows
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I know I mentioned that I saw Wanted last weekend and that Angelina Jolie’s ass was in it, but I thought I would mention it again because people searched the terms “ass” “angelina jolie” and “wanted” and found my blog frequently over the holiday weekend. So I’m just seeing if that happens again. If that’s the case, then I’ll have to change my website to “Angelina Jolie’s Ass’s Blog” to get more hits.

I saw absolutely no fireworks this weekend oddly enough, and didn’t miss them at all. They’re cool and all, but so are movies that I haven’t seen before and I’d rather watch them with the lady. We watched Charlie Bartlett, In Bruges, Sleepwalking, Stop-Loss, and The Ruins.

They were all good except for Sleepwalking, which was a terrible drama about nothing. And The Ruins wasn’t that great, but it was watchable. Not much happens at all. In Bruges was probably the biggest surprise/unique movie I saw and it was pretty gnarly. Colin Farrel was funny and solidly acting. Charlie Bartlett and Stop-Loss were both very good movies but not the absolute best of their kind. All of these, except for Sleepwalking with Charlize Theron, were worth watching.

I featured at Barrel of Laughs on Saturday night, followed by a set at The Final Countdown later that night. Both shows were a lot of fun and I tried out some new bits that went very well. Good times in Chicago.

I’ll be at Maxum Bar and Grill this Thursday for the third time, which is always a blast. See me there.

Categories: movies, shows, website
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I got to meet one of my favorite bands of all time yesterday, Alkaline Trio. They were real nice guys and their new CD is great. I highly recommend it. They signed it for me so I’ve got proof that I once stood in a line at Chicago Ridge Mall’s Hot Topic.

I bought/returned/just decided to rent instead Guitar Hero: Aerosmith for my Wii the other day and it’s pretty disappointing. I’m not a huge Aerosmith fan to begin with, but I like their music and it still didn’t do much for me. The worst part is the recycled animations from Guitar Hero 3. Even though it’s a minor part of the gameplay, the background stuff is unchanged with characters in their same costumes and “rocking” out in the same terrible motions. See: Chuckie Cheese drummer. He pounds and twitches like a robot that’s about to go haywire. And on a sidenote, the little things they tell you while you’re waiting for a song to load are pretty much the same as well, with a couple new Aerosmith facts thrown in. Couldn’t they have made these all Aerosmith? I can’t imagine that would take longer than like an hour to program in. Oh well.

It’s still the fun Guitar Hero game that everyone loves, it’s just kind of cheap. Like the Rock the 80s version. Nothing special, but if you are a die hard Aerosmith fan you should definitely check it out.

The 4th of July is a coming. Fireworks and grilling and things. Indiana doesn’t really get excited for 4th of July because they have legal fireworks every other day of the year. So instead of lighting wicks on firecrackers, they just stick to crackpipes. It’s a special holiday for Indiana. That’s what I hear at least.

Categories: music, videogames
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I saw this movie Wanted today. It’s based off of a series of comic books and it had some awesome action and a good cast. Very insane action, actually. Very entertaining. And it was a good “R” rated movie because they didn’t hold back with any of the graphic scenes, which is always nice to see. And you get to see Angelina Jolie’s ass for a short second. Again, awesome.

I did a guest set at Barrel of Laughs in Oak Lawn, IL on Friday night and it went extremely well. Very cool crowd and lots of laughs all around. It’s always a good confidence booster to do a great set randomly at any given time. I’m slowly trying out new bits here and there and they seem to be going well.

Then I did a show at the Edge Comedy Club later that night and that was good too. Fun show and lots of laughs with some great Chicago comics. I always wonder if other cities have half as good comics floating around like Chicago has. I’m guessing they do, but not nearly as great of a variety.

Saturday night I did a guest spot at Comedy Comedy in Aurora thanks to Mr. Bert Borth. The show featured the headliner Vince Maranto who was very funny. Vince Carone, a booming comic and buddy of mine, did an awesome set and threw me a copy of his newer DVD. Very funny stuff, and an all around great guy. Check out Vince’s video on dealing with hecklers, it’s fantastic. I can’t wait to tell people in the future that we rocked the town of Aurora at one point. Without a supply of illegal drugs, that’s hard to do.

Categories: college, movies, shows, trips
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